so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
