The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Farmville is her only friend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
