Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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