Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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