Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
