summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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