I'm going to jail i love you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
