well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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