Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
