Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
