Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
