Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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