he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
