We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I supernannyed him into submission
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
