Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
