i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
