im having a threesome with these popsicles
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
