a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
