Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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