I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
