I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
