New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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