I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
