Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
