the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
