i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
