i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
