Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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