Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
