I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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