I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
