and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
