just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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