What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
