walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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