Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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