i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
