Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
