They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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