I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
