there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
