I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you will always have a special place in my vag
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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