I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
