he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
