whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
