Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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