So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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