I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
