I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
