LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
