yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
