If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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