North Korea, Best Korea!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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