FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
